The Lost Language of Oysters

Professor Moritz-Maria von Igelfeld is not just any German professor—he is the author of the highly-regarded work of scholarship, Portuguese Irregular Verbs. His eminence in language studies is widely respected, albeit rarely acknowledged by his colleague, Professor Detlev-Amadeus Unterholzer, the writer of a far less important book on the subjunctive. Their rivalry bubbles under the surface, but is quick to come into the open if something unusual disturbs the calm waters of the institute in Regensburg where they both work.

One such event is the arrival of two visiting scholars from New Orleans. These ladies, Professor Pom Pom Boisseau and her friend, Professor Alice Martinique, are experts in the Provençal language and avid bikers. When they choose to make a dramatic entrance atop large, noisy motorbikes, Unterholzer is shocked, but von Igelfeld is rather taken with Pom Pom. In fact, he is very taken with her.

Everyone can foresee this infatuation leading to disappointment, if not worse. But for von Igelfeld, disasters often arrive in twos and threes. Von Igelfeld may suffer humiliation after humiliation, but at the end of it all is the promise of a visit to Louisiana, where important research on communication among oysters is underway…